Flood Joke

A man was sitting on his front porch when it started to rain. The rain came down harder and harder and the man realized that it was a flood. So the flood waters were rising and when the water started to spill over the porch, a man in a rowboat comes by. And the man in the rowboat says, "Need any help?"

But the man said, "Nope, the Lord will take care of me!" A few hours later, the man was standing on a chair on his front porch and another rowboat comes by.

And the man inside yells, "Need any help?"

But the man smiles and says, "Nope, the Lord will take care of me!"

A few hours later, the man is on his roof and a helicopter comes by and the pilot inside yells, "Need any help?!"

But the man just says, "Nope! The Lord will take care of me!"

A few hours later, the flood gets to be too much for the man and he drowns. When he enters Heaven, he asks the Lord, "Lord, why didn't you take care of me?"

The Lord says, "Well, I sent you two rowboats and a helicopter!"

From joke story above actually there was a living education, that God give our chance to be whatever we want, but unfortunately we often didn't see the way to achieve it that God give to us

More about → Flood Joke

Zoo Job

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.

He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

More about → Zoo Job

Their sons

These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son Bill," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Frank's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

More about → Their sons

Pool of Alligators

This funny story about alligators in the pool, :

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen.
The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators.

The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.
The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!"

Source : onlyfunnystories.com

More about → Pool of Alligators

Technical Support

This another funny story i have get from another website (i forgotten address):

This conversation between technical support with their customer via telephone
Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work."Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?"
Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even turn on in the back of the system."
Tech Support: "Is the monitor functioning? Is there a little green light in the lower right corner of the monitor?"
Customer: "Yes, there is."
Tech Support: "OK, is the computer plugged in?"
Customer: (irritated) "Look, I think I know how to set up a system. I'm a college graduate, you know."
Tech Support: "OK, let me finish typing up this report, and I'll send it off. You will get a reply within one business day."
Customer: (exasperated) "Thank you. I mean I paid a huge amount of money for this computer. The least you people can do it make sure it works before sending it to me!"
Customer: "I mean, to add to the poor quality control, you even sent me one extra power cord."
Tech Support: "One extra cord?"
Customer: "Yes, it looks just the one I used to plug in the monitor and computer, but that's all you sent to me. I have no use for this other one."
At this point, I thought I should inquire a little more...but use a bit of tact to do so.
Tech Support: "Sir, can you double check the serial number on the back of your computer?"
Customer: "On the back of the computer?"
Tech Support: "Yes, sir."
Customer: (sigh) "All right, all right, hold on..."
I heard a few muffled grunts as he crawled over his desk to see the back of the computer. He repeated the serial number from the sticker. I didn't bother to verify it.

Tech Support: "Thank you, sir. Oh, by the way, can you check to see if the computer is plugged in?"

Dead silence. He could just picture the man's face when he realized that the computer was never plugged in in the first place and that the "extra" power cord he was holding in his hand was for the computer.

More about → Technical Support

Radio conversation

I've get this story from another website, but i am forgot the website address:

This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.

- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.

More about → Radio conversation